God’s Gunner’s, Booty Bandits, & Bad Boys
Sunday, December 31st, 2006
By R25288 ( c ) 2006
Chapter Seventeen
The Dilemma of Gay Love
“His legs are as pillors of marble.”
Song Of Solomon
5:15
“His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.”
Song Of Solomon
5:16
In any relationship, there are feelings of guilt, love, jealousness, insecurity, tenderness, possessiveness, trust, security, and joy. However, in the homosexual relationship, these issues are compounded by societal attitudes of intolerance, and non-acceptance. So, the “straight” person who initially experiences gay sex often has feelings of shame, digust, denial, dislike of the self, and the one that the gayness was experienced with. It makes one question one’s manhood, and what he now thinks of himself, and what others may then think of him, also.
So, it was with J.D and I. We went through many episodes of conflict over our sexual relationship. Fortunately, through continuous communication and true friendship, we were one of the some that could overcome those barriors to love, that many in society would prefer to repress and deny among same sex couples.
My journal of September 29th, 2004, at 4:40pm, reads:
” J.D. and I just came in from second yard and I jacked him again in our same place, and I brought tissues this time. We had gone to the law library earlier, but they closed it early. We then went to my dorm, where the staff on duty didn’t mind us studying on my bed in the middle of the dorm. (Of course, it was against the rules, but again, some staff had more humanistic than strictly authoritarian attitudes).
“We then went and sat in front of the TV in the recreation center. We then went and sat on the bleachers in front of the softball field. We then walked two laps on the track, where we observed Brody fucking(anal intercourse-since they were both male inmates) Elliot behind the recreation building. (It was one of the blind spots from the guard tower, and for some in America’s zoo’s, called prisons, pride was not an issue, since all the inmates present could watch). There was probably about fifty playing different sports, within sight of the fucking. They were kissing, and going at it like the animals that we were made to feel like in prison. Another couple was nearby kissing, and groping each other.
“J.D. came real fast again. Most hit the ground, and a little went on his pants, and my hand; so much for the tissue. I told him I was hard, and liked it. He said, ‘If you liked it, think how I feel.’ I hugged him when we made it back to the dorm, and we made plans for the next yard. He told me that an old sissy that liked him, told him that another gay there had AIDS, which was possible, since inmates came through who had AIDS, although those with full blown confirmed AIDS were normally at camps designed to handle such issues.”
My journal of Friday, October 1st, 2004, at 7:49am reads:
” Yesterday, J.D. said we needed to develop a schedule for our sexual encounters. From basically, ‘No way,’ to now developing a schedule. I love this kid. He thought twice a week would be a good idea. He suggested Tuesday and another day. I suggested that we not have a schedule, as that could be too easy for guards to analyze and watch for. I was glad he said twice a week. I told him he could just pick the days and times, and just to let me know. I was ready anytime to have sex with him. No headaches, or ‘not now’ honey. Nope, not from me. I loved him 24/7.
“Later that day, Rod and I watched Liberty beat Century C.I., 34-15 in football, while J.D. worked out nearby with one of his workout friends.
“Later, while J.D. and I were walking back to the dorm, a sissy that was chasing J.D. yelled ‘J.D.’ and said ‘Excuse me,’ and took him aside. She said a few words to him, for less than a minute, and quickly left. He told me that she said, ‘I see that you and Chris are hanging out alot together.’ He replied, ‘Yeah, Chris and I are tight.’ She said, ‘OK, thanks, bye.’ I thanked him for straightening her out. I love the kid.
“Sissy inmate, Miss Roberts, who I referred to as Channel 13, since she kept up and started most of the gossip in the camp, true or not, informed me that another white ’straight’ boy moved into I- dorm and was letting guys fuck him within fifteen minutes of getting there.
Mouse-Boy was now walking with Henry and Stu. He was now part of their family. In old school prison, many couples, were not couples at all, but slave and master, with the slave willingly only servicing the master, and never allowed to get themselves off, or expect the partner to get them off, because that was not manly. You might then be considered gay, never mind that you would allow the person to give you blow jobs, or you would fuck the person anally. So, instead you would find another sissy to service your sissy. I don’t believe that that is even a common practice in zoos, but America’s prisons are worse than our zoos, and our inmates are treated worse than we treat the animals in our zoos. God may bless America, but he is not too pleased about how we treat our inmates, which we have too many of, not because of their crimes, but because of our laws, such as incarcerating J.D. for life when he never took a life, or physically hurt any one, nor was he a terrorist, or had he committed treason.”
On Sunday, October 3rd, 2004, at 8:30am, my journal reads:
“Yesterday, J.D. and I sat on the bleachers in front of the softball field, and I showed him how he could position himself facing me, and me facing him, as we straddle the bleachers, like we were playing cards, and with both our knees up, no one could notice him expose himself to me or notice as I stroked him, as we did. The whistle blew to close the rec yard, and as we were walking back, I told him thanks for sharing himself with me, and he replied, ‘I wish you would have done more.’ I asked him if he could save himself for me until our next time, and he said that he could.
“Coming back, we stood for a moment, and watched a beautiful red sunset go down, and I told him that he was the finest person I had found. He replied, ‘You’re going to make me blush.’ I told him, ‘Blush if you need to, but it’s the truth.’ He gave me a picture of him and his ma together. I asked him to write something on it.
“When we got back to G dorm, he put his arm around my shoulder, and I put my arm around his waist, as we gave each other a side by side hug, in front of two male guards. He put his hand on my shouder, and said, ‘I love you.’ I replied, ‘Ditto.’ We’ve overcome some major hurdles, and are now walking in stride.”
On Monday, October 4th, 2004, at 3am, my journal reads:
“J.D. was suppose to have a visit from his family yesterday. I was mailing a letter in the afternoon, and I saw him walk into his dorm, A dorm. I walked over and he saw me and came out. A cool staff was on, and J.D. invited me to come in. I went in and asked the staff if I could stay a couple of minutes, and was informed that I could. It was the first time I had been on that side of A dorm. It was all white with white blankets; most dorms had black blankets. He showed me his locker. It was neat and organized with little in it. He had two soups, and two small bags of potato chips, along with his Bible, and legal papers. He told me that his family didn’t show up, and that he had cried.
“We went out and walked the track, and I jacked him in our usual place around 3pm-ish. I had tissue in my sock. I put my hand in his pants and pulled it out, as it was already hard. It was another thirty stroke job. His shaft is brown, and his head is a lighter shade of pink.
“J.D. gave me the picture of he and his mother and had written on it, ‘To my partner, Chris, with love and respect, from yo boy, J.D.’ I love the kid. I took the label off of my deodorant and used the sticky part to tape it to the inside lid of my locker. Of course, that is against the rules. I am such a gangsta.
“I told him I could stay till the end of my time to be with him. He just looked at me, and shook his head. I said, ‘What are you going to do with me?’ He replied, ‘Love ya.’ I relieved myself in the back stall at 2:30am. It didn’t take long.”
On Monday, October 4th, 2004, at 9:00pm, my journal reads:
“I’m giving J.D. a copy of my poem, IMU, tomorrow. I’m also giving him a copy of Desiderata, on which I wrote, ‘J.D., Thanks for your friendship, your sharing, your sensitivity, your courage, and openness, your vulnerability, innocence, for the time we spend together, for your communication skills, and the warm love I feel from you. You’re my partner, and the finest person I’ve met in prison. All My Love, Chris’. I look forward to tomorrow, as it is our first week anniversary of our intimate relationship.”
On Tuesday, October 5th, 2004, at 6:11pm, my journal reads:
“I j.o.’d(jacked off) J.D. around 4:10pm on the outer track(our usual spot). I counted to about 40-he’s quick. Our next date is scheduled for Thursday, or as he says, ‘Or as needed.’ I finally figured it out, and said, ‘Oh good, that means maybe tomorrow.’ He replied, ‘Yea.’ I ended up with some of his sperm on my right index finger, and I said, ‘Look at the gift I got.’ He laughed, and said, ‘Chris says gift.’ After he had cum, I slowly smeared sperm around the head of his dick, and right underneath. ‘It tickles,’ he said. I asked him to play with my butt. He declined, but said he’d never say never. I bought him a chocolate donut, and wished him a Happy Anniversary, as it had been one week since we had become intimate.”
On Thursday, October 7th, 2004, at 6:55am, my journal reads:
“I asked J.D. if he wears his shorts in the dorm at night. He said, ‘Yea.’ But he takes them off at night, he said, in case of nocturnal emissions(wet dreams). I told him with me around, he’d never have to worry about that again. We both laughed, and he said he hasn’t had one since we began having sex.
“He told me someone(haters) said something about us cuddling(me, basically). He said he told them, ‘Keep looking, and you’ll see more.’ Coming in last night, he told another gay to take care of me. He’s so sweet, or as he says ‘tweet.’ We went to the law library yesterday afternoon.”
On Saturday, October 9th, 2004, at 12:30pm, my journal reads:
“J.D. told me yesterday that he was ‘uncomfortable’ doing what we do, and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. I told him I was uncomfortable not doing what we had been doing. I offered a compromise, he be uncomfortable one week, and I would be uncomfortable the next week. No sale. I told him I felt like crying, and I’d miss him. I don’t know what happened. I think I may put in for a transfer. I had even asked him for just two intimate minutes a month. No sale. I cried this morning about it all. I was an experience for him, and he told me he was glad it was with me. He said, ‘So, now I’m a cold young man?’ I told him he wasn’t. I’ll miss him alot.”
On Sunday, October 10th, 2004, at 5:30pm, my journal reads:
“Last night, I hit J.D. up with a one minute, every two week proposal, and my potential transfer, and being my partner, and not meeting me half way, blah, blah, blah. He basically told me if I couldn’t accept him as just a friend to go ahead and transfer. I stormed off, telling him, ‘I really don’t want to transfer, I really don’t.’ I came in angry.
“This morning I took him a chocolate donut, as a token of apology, as it was the day we were suppose to meet his mother at the chapel, as she was suppose to be coming with the visiting pastor. I asked him if we were still going to church together, and he replied, ‘Yea.’ We went, and neither she nor the visiting pastor were there. I enjoyed it-very musical.
“When we got back, he got word that his family was at the visiting park. He hugged me and told me that he loved me, and he headed for his visit.
“Second yard, the Pussycats(gay softball team) had a game, so I went out to cheer them on. They all loved my cheers. Even in front of an officer, and a sergeant, I cheered, ‘Two, four, six, eight, eat ‘em, fuck ‘em, masterbate-go Pussycats.’ I made them up as I went along. They ranged from, ‘Miss Roberts, she’s our lass, she’s got tits, and she ’s got ass;’ ‘’Hey, hey what do you say, we’re gay, and we’re here to stay;’ ‘Boys in blue like to screw, who knew? Who knew?;’ Miss Liddy, she’s mean, she’s our queen;’ ‘I’ve had white and brown, and now had black, ain’t going back.’
“J.D. got back from his visit, as I was heading up to meet him at 3:10(most visits ended at 3:00pm). He told me that he told his family about me helping him with his law work, and told me that they said I was a blessing to him. I asked him if he told them that I loved him. He said he didn’t, but wouldn’t have trouble telling them. He smelled real good from the perfume his mother and grandmother were wearing. He said he ate real good. I love the kid.”
On Monday, October 11th, 2004, I gave J.D. the following poem:
A Vision
by Christopher Eckhardt for my J.D.
I have a vision of the day with you When I, me, and mine Becomes we, ours, and us
When sharing is unlimited Where no boundaries are found As your needs become my needs And two becomes one, spiritually
The goal is way over there The path is here It just seems like a detour Keep the faith, the guide knows the way
Behind the razorwire All men are strangers Afraid of the closeness That we can’t escape 24/7
You walked past me in the chow hall I walked past you on the track For sixteen months on this tiny island of deprivation Our eyes never once met
How can that be? Who’s in charge here? For what purpose did we meet? Was I meant to be your blessing? Or were you meant to be mine? Or maybe both!
We speak two different languages We came from two different time zones We came from two different worlds Like the ying-yang, I’m the white half, and you’re the black half
My eyes are blue and yours are brown You’re taller, I’m shorter I weigh more, you weigh less You’re straighter, I’m gayer
As today is yesterday’s tomorrow And what goes around comes around So, this too shall pass And I enjoy now our time together
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve, If Don’t really matter There’s so much to be thankful for Look at how far we’ve come in four months
So, my inquisitive student, if we’ve been around each other For twenty months, and only known each other four What % of time have we lost from being together and knowing each other? I don’t want to lose any more time from being with you
Father, he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother And you’re my friend, partner, boy, buddie, and more And I have a vision of the day with you When I, me, and mine Becomes we, ours, and us
J.D. Happy Columbus Day-All My Love, Chris
On Wednesday, October 13, 2004, at 7:50am, my journal reads:
“Yesterday, J.D. and I walked the track and talked more. I told him that I was low maintenance, and why closeness was important to me, and getting off was good for my prostate, as my father had died of prostate cancer. I told him to think outside the box, and to think bigger. He said it was starting to make sense.
I told him about sex with a vibrator, which he has never experienced, and my plans for his first day of freedom, when we can be together, of scented candles, music, food, a Jacuzzi, and gettting him off. He said he was down with it.
“I asked him first yard, how to spell my name, and what was my DOC ID number, without looking at my name tag. He couldn’t do it, but by third yard, he could.”
Later that morning, J.D. took me to the canteen, as his family had wired him money, and I was broke. He put his card in the window and told the operator to let me get what I wanted. He stepped a few feet from me, and I ordered a few items. As we walked away from the window, a lieutenant, and an officer moved in on us, and told us to come with them. They took us to G dorm laundry room, where the lieutenant said, “If you don’t tell me the truth, I’m going to lock you up.” I said nothing. J.D. said he bought me something to eat. So, he told the truth, and she locked us up.
We were handcuffed behind our backs, and escorted to confinement. J.D. said, “Don’t get your blood pressure up, you’ll be alright.” When we got to confinement, the staff knew I was gay, but didn’t know J.D. and I were partners. One officer said, “So, what did we have a lovers quarrel?” J. D. replied, “You wish.” Another officer said, “They’re OK.”
We were placed in the individual shower stalls. J.D. was in the one beside me. We had to strip, give up our belts, and shoes, squat naked, sign forms that the cell we were to be placed in was in perfect condition, even without seeing it, and none were in perfect condition. We were given our clothes back after they were searched, and waited while they did their paperwork.
They finally came for us, cuffed us again behind our backs and walked us upstairs to cell 204, opened the door, told us both to go in, where we each then had to squat, and put our cuffed hands through the food tray opening to get uncuffed. They then handed us our bedding, through the same slot, a roll of toilet paper, a tooth brush for each of us, along with our own tube of toothpaste, and a half bar of soap each. They then left us.
I looked at J.D. in amazement. They locked me up in a two man cell for 23 hours and 55 minutes a day, with the man of my dreams. God is good. I was assigned the lower bunk, and laid down on it. J.D. was standing by the door, looking out. We had a perfect view of the staff desk.
I got up, walked over to him, and sat on the toilet, right in front of him, undid his pants, pulled his dick out of his pants, and began sucking on it, as I stroked myself. He came quickly, and I swallowed it all, and my left hand filled up with my own cum.
We laughed, and talked, and spent the day telling each other stories. We had two more intimate moments that day. I love him so. I gave him my desserts, and he gave me his greens. One of the most touching moments for me that day was when without asking or discussing it, he just grabbed my sheets and blankets, and began making my bed. I was thrilled they put us in the same room. So, what turned out to be bad news, turned out to be my best day in prison. He reached down after the lights went out at 11:00pm, and we held hands, said our good nights, and I love you’s. We were together in that room until our release twenty-one days later. The best twenty-one days of my life.
“Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.”
Matthew
25:36
“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder; and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah
9:6
At this holy time of year, J.D. and I wish you and yours peace, and a blessed New Year! Chris
